Someone tested George-Michael’s “unfailing internal clock.”
This is what the internet is for.
COMMUNITY MEME : One Season Season 3
We’re gonna get more calm and normal. We’re gonna fix our state of mind. We’re gonna be less crazy. We’re gonna finally be fine.
“To meet different people”
"I woke up this morning and saw all these things about me being cast in The Hunger Games, I was kind of curious for a second. So I called my agent. [My agent] was like ‘no one’s going to offer you that part.’ I was like, thanks for the reassurance.’"
— Robert Pattinson on rumors about being cast as Finnick Odair (
You can swallow a pint of blood before you get sick.
My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh my god
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.